they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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