You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
