i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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