i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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