just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
