Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
