sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The air was thick with penises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
