So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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