Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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