i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
