tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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