Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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