i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
