so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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