sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
