alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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