Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
