shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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