so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
