why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
