He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
