Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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