I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
