Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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