Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
