you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
