I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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