you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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