I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
