Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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