He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
