No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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