You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
