so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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