i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
