If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
