too bad you live with your parents still
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
