he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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