Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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