Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
