dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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