Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize