her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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