Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
