So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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