I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found puke in my bra..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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