My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
