i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
