I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
