Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
