I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
