i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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