yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I want a musical about memes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
