btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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