There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
