Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
