I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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