we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
