tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
