You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize