I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
there is glitter all over my balls
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