I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
