Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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