Sry I called you an 8
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
