made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
